is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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