I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
