I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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