she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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