belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So many bounce houses so little time
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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