i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize