we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
