if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
