I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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