I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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