after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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