I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
