there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
