so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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