I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
