my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Success! We fucked roommates!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
