LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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