I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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