If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize