she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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