tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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