is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
