So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my poor anus
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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