i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
