the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
