i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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