oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize