I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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