you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
