dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
