Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
