im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
