:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
