Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
