so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
