I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
