Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
