when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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