I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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