Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
