Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My feet surprised me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
