Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize