I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
