I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
