Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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