am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
