Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
