I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
