It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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