what if every blade of grass was a penis?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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