Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
