I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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