seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
