I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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